Wednesday, January 30, 2013


Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer. ~ R M Rilke

"In Letters To AYoung Poet"

Tuesday, January 29, 2013


This could not have popped up on my feed at a better time. Seriously. Don't ever say the universe doesn't have a plan. Or at least a sense of humor. Thanks, this is EXACTLY what I am flipping around in my head and heart these days.

Because my options in life are nearly endless, I have narrowed them down to:
1. Stay and love. Settle down. Work towards a concrete future. I am done with casual. This love hasn't gone anywhere despite time, distance, and distractions.
2. Leave and love. Move to another part of the world where nothing can remind or connect me to my last chapter.

I think the most frightening thing about both of these decisions is that they are pretty much out of my hands. I cannot control either of them. Sure, I can make efforts in either direction, but I am not the final say. So, what to do? Live forward. Love openly. Breath deeply. Trust that it will sort itself out as it always does. In the meantime, I am going to keep my theme song cranked...because if my experiences have taught me anything it is that, yes, anything really could happen...

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Twenty Four

I choreographed a modern dance for my sister when I was in college. She was going through some life changes that changing. I used this song to represent that every day can bring about a shift so great we have no idea how to handle it--but that is ok. (Also, she told me the news very close to my birthday which is on the 24th)

Despite being in a very different place in the religious sense, Switchfoot still strikes a chord during this tumultuous time.

Scared? A little.
Nervous? A lot.
Determined? Very much so.

I'm not coping out.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

2013: Year of Courage

Lentil soup is delicious. Nom nom nom . . .

I suppose if I were to approach this whole resolution topic in a chronological manner I would write my 2012 summary. However, those thoughts have already been written down in my paper journal (which can be transcribed) and these new thoughts are fresh in my mind as of the drive home from work / yoga class. The Love wrap-up will just have to wait.

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." 

This year's theme of 'Courage' holds so many deeper meanings the more I ponder the concept. The obvious would be the major life changes I am considering and moving towards. I know that I am going to need a hell of a lot of courage to change my living situation, job status, and other such grounding elements. But, the more and more I think about all the parts of life that courage applies to, it is almost overwhelming. Literally, every single decision we make in life could use a little courage. Calling a parent about a student's behavior, telling your principal you were 3 hours late to work because you slept through three alarms, confessing your true feelings to someone, telling another person you have no feelings, registering for a dance competition you feel totally out-classed in, are all situations in which I usually make excuses, punk out, or just become passive. So, in order to make a habit of courage I have decided to make courage be my response to every little thing just like Love was last year.

"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."

Could this go terribly awry? Absolutely. As with most things in life :) I don't think that one should simply say everything that comes to mind, or make sudden/crazy/rash/poor/any choices about the direction of their life just to be courageous. In my case, though, I find that this resolution rings true because I have become too complacent and comfortable with my life. Too much talk and not enough do. It will help with procrastination, all forms of relationships, dance, and the path upon which I want to take for the rest of my life (or at least the next few years).

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power."

And so begins 2013: Year of Courage. I have already made a hell of a start by being honest and open with a friend about a difficult (yet relieving) topic, and communicated with the PC about my application status. I can already see that honesty will be a focal point throughout this process.

"Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point." 

Yes. 2013 is going to be an interesting year.

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear."

Separator ~ Radiohead
"Like I've fallen out of bed
From a long and vivid dream
Finally I'm free of all the weight I've been carrying"

Blinding ~ Florence and the Machine