Snap! Crackle! Hop!

Highlights and reflections from this weekend...

My first real foray into teaching at a regional event since, oh say, 4 years and it was a great time. I must admit that I was bummed to be missing my Fearsome Threesome of Michelle and Mead, or the fun of downtown Decatur - but in the end I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
Here are my highlights.

~Dancing in an old brothel on Friday night. Creepy and intriguing.
~Reminding myself why I don't particularly enjoy blues dances.
~Teaching aerials with Sosh and being super sore afterwards.
~Awesome students willing to be awkward and silly to learn safety and partnership.
~Tasty breakfast food.
~Amazing host with themed rooms. I slept in the 'Disney Princess' room.
~Decorating the halloween shaped cookies with non-halloween designs ranging from dirty to other holidays.
~E-Sparkle!! We were missing JoSparkle - but we broke it down either way.
~Dressing up as "Zombie Day at the Races Girl". My first year as a 'scary person'. It was also very fun to randomly chase Evita around making zombie noises.
~Taking a hip hop lesson on Sunday afternoon from a professional dancer. He just started to lindy hop in March and is freaking amazing already. We traded knowledge, dance for dance. I am pumped. MJQ this weekend for sure.
~Discovering new music. Slum Village Radio is my new jam.
~Meeting more people from the region, and meeting up with old friends.
~Sugar Glider of awesome.
~Still having blood stains from my zombie wounds. Sigh...the cheap stuff is hard to scrub off.
~Costume contest instead of J&J to win passes to dance events. I think this should happen on a more regular basis. Travel Gnome ftw!

The entire team of Red Hot Lindy Hop put together a very well-run event. It was small, personal, and full of enthusiastic students. I have found that I enjoy those kind of events more and more these days. The huge ones have a great energy, but the intimacy of only seeing the same 70 people all weekend can have it's bonuses too.

It was fun and challenging to teach big classes again. I dig it and hopefully will be able to travel around the SE more often.

of yoga, sweat, and tears

"The more you let go the more you will be supported"

"Look deep inside yourself and accept everything that you find without judgment or criticism"

"Embrace the areas that you feel resistance. Sink into them and flow through the physical strife"

There are a variety of reasons one might start to practice yoga. Flexibility. Lose weight. Tone up. Physical therapy from an injury. I am not sure why I started. Maybe because running is one of my least favorite activities and I don't have access to a gym at which I feel comfortable. I started/learned a little yoga last summer and have continued to practice when I have time. However, an introduction to Hot Yoga this summer has me hooked. I don't mean 'hit the studio on the weekends', like, I crave it. I think about it at work and have to space out my sessions due to soreness. Can you overdo yoga?

I suppose I love the feeling of a heart workout without doing cardio. I love the sweating. I love the tone it gives my legs, and the definition it increases in my upper body. I dig the flow of bodies moving together, and the calm messages my instructor gives the class as we struggle to stand in one spot with a simple lift of a leg. Leaving the studio I feel as though I could leap over the skyscrapers of midtown and keep on going. That in itself is a good reason to keep going back.

However, in the midst of all the physical benefits I am starting to feel the emotional and mental impacts. More often than not at the end of class we will hit a pose of great reflection, like rabbit. Or the instructor will read an excerpt from a text that speaks into my life in a very direct way. I am starting to be able to reflect in other areas of my life. Be able to embrace stress and move through it. Be able to handle the extreme ups and downs that I fluctuate between - and not allow them to overpower my life.

Today I went to the "West Coast Power Flow" class due to the time slot. I just didn't want to go before 6:30. Todd was on the roster, of whom I have not taken a class from. I had my doubts, but I knew it was going to be a good class when he started with "Hi, this is the West Coast Power Flow class because I am from the west coast. Therefore, I am kinda weird, so this class is going to be kinda weird. Let's have some fun." My first genuine smile of the day stretched across my face and so the next 90 minutes of pure intensity began. Multiple kinds of inversions, warrior pose flows, seemingly endless vinyasa flows, 5 min non-stop ab workout, and some delightful stretching. I have never smiled, laughed, or felt more elated during a class. The last stretch (of which name I cannot remember) was leg over leg with heels on hips and a forward fold. Boom, there it was, the internal reflection feeling. And the tears. We moved eventually into almost a fetal position on our sides. Again, the tears. To finish there was 5 minutes of corpse pose with guided reflection of chakra placement and use. Laying there in the dim light, with my body opened up and exhausted I could feel it all start to pour out. Todd went to every person and assisted with shoulder and neck placement - upon which it intensified. Thank goodness for towels and sweat because wiping away the leakage was not noticeable. I am not sure why I cry when I go to class. I don't know what is releasing inside of me or finally allowing itself to be felt, but it does, effortlessly.

At the end of class a new student mentioned to the teacher that he had watched me and another student because "We were really good". I told him that I had just started and was really not experienced at all. Todd said "That is 'cause she has good body awareness, she is just doing what she can do. She doesn't care what other people are doing. She doesn't do Shoga." Student replies, "Shoga?" Todd, "Yeah, Shoga...you know...the girls that come in here to 'look pretty'" demonstrating with his arms stretched wide, "I love to look at myself in the mirror". I humbly said thank you, and that I truly enjoyed the message and experience of his class; that it was exactly what I needed tonight. It put me in the right place =)

So thank you, Todd. Thank you, Yoga. I am connecting to myself and my consciousness in ways that are finally feeling authentic.

I am not going to be too serious.
I am not going to take things too lightly.
I am going to be completely honest.
I am going to respect.
I am going to require respect.

New mottos. New life. Same me.

Saturation

I swear this has been the first time I have seen a good soaking in weeks. Saturation. A thorough cleansing of the palate and soul. Such little entities of water create such a rush in a usually leisurely pace. The energy of the world slows down, and our speed to reach point A to point B increases all because of...rain.

When was the last time I simply stood in the rain? It has been awhile.

I feel as though I have reached my saturation point. Words splash out as my thoughts speed by, unchecked, due to an overflow of rushing emotion. My wipers of warrior calm are not enough to contain the scattered flood. And so? I just breathe...

I wrote a letter to my 'adopted' daughter in the Philippines. She is 7, and her name is Abbie. Her photo hangs on my fridge along with the letter she sent to me. I don't suppose I can afford the dollars per month, but it is a truly fulfilling sensation to know that my decision to stop for five minutes on the sidewalk in Seattle is now impacting another person half-way around the world. No, I don't want children right now - I have no desire for one actually - but the need to give back and be a global citizen is becoming more and more apparent. What have you done for the rest of the world lately? I don't think that everyone should adopt a child from a third-world country, but what if you made a conscious decision to do one thing for your community that was outside of your comfort zone?

Music for right now.

November by Max Richter

Smile by Olive

When you know...you don't know

At 26 I should know. I should know who the one is. I should know I am doing the right thing. I should know where I am headed.

But, sometimes life flips the coin and suddenly you ask yourself, "Is this it?"

I know what I geek out on. I know what interests me - and I feel like I took the easy route down the job path. I could have taken the engineering courses in college, but I took the tech/ind arts path and then went into education. I don't really think that those who can't do teach. I know and work with some amazing teachers who are giving 100% of themselves everyday at their job. Changing lives, and growing the new generation of society. I love my job. I love the light bulb. But lately I am just wondering...

I would rather be building. Designing. Drawing. Inventing. Taking apart. Fixing. Using my brain and my hands for more than lessons plans, grading, and recording conduct cuts for children who cannot behave.

So I am looking at options. I would love to work in the alternative energy field - wind or solar specifically. I would love to get up and go to work with adults, putting knowledge to work for the good of the world. Calculate and create. Test, evaluate, and manufacture. I regret my decision to not take more challenging classes, or higher level math. I wish that I could put on my job application to a wind turbine company in Colorado that I have a degree in Mechanical Engineering and I would be the best pick for their CAD Engineer job opening. All my experience will not really add up to much against someone who has taken statics and structures, physics, and calculus 3. Sigh...

So options? Hmmm...I could go back to school? That would be interesting. I would want to apply for a Masters program, but I don't have the prerequisites. I could just 'take classes' until I had what I needed. Or, I could see if they would take me as a Master's student, and then take a shit ton of undergrad classes until I was caught up. Which would make everything take so much longer but might be the best option. I could be a research assistant, or teach classes to be able to be in school full time.

Bottom line? Something has to change. Seven lanes of traffic. 45 minute commute. Thirteen year olds that think they can talk to me with impatience. Grading worksheets that involve sentences like "Trains are good because they helped people move stuff and stuff". I am ready for some difficult brain work. I am ready to be hands on. I am ready to solve problems and work on a team of people that are working towards a similar goal. I am still on the path of 'world change' but I think that it might be a different one than education.

Other thoughts? Peace Corps. I have been thinking about re-applying. A few things hold me back, such as financial obligations, and my family - but the fact that it keeps floating to the forefront of my mind so often makes me think it might be a viable option in a year or so.

I have changed my life so often for other people. I moved to Atlanta for my friends. I went to Berea for my family. I went to App for the scholarship and the fact it was still close to home. When does life stop being about other people and about what the hell I want? I feel so old, yet I know I am so young. My entire life stretches out in front of me...what do I want to do?

IKEA This!!!!

I am completely addicted to the IKEA Hacker blog.

What better way to feed my nerdy design techie side than read about people who bought bad ass furniture from Sweden and then made it EVEN BETTER!!??

I can't imagine. Check it out and follow it. Be happy.

IKEA Hacker Blog

Into the Wild: 2010

In the tradition of writing posts about my adventures, I have titled my latest camping trip in the cheesiest manner possible. I don't suppose a canoeing trip that entails 3 coolers of beer as truly wild - but I like to think I was shirking the responsibilities usually associated with hygiene, food prep, and sleeping arrangements enough to feel as though I had stepped into a wild place.

After a calm Friday evening of packing, testing the tent in the kitchen, and a little grocery shopping the real adventure began around 6am on Saturday. We hit the road by 7:30ish and took 70 through the mountains. Although we were all a little grouchy and tired the caffeine and excitement kept us awake and singing through the 4 hour drive. Switching pilots about 3/4 of the way through helped too =) Michelle and I busied ourselves with stories about dancing and taking silly pictures.




Now that we were in the middle of bumblefuck Colorado, we were ready to go. We were shuttled up to a launch point of our choice, loaded up the gear and jumped into the canoes. Literally. The current was much stronger than we anticipated, there was a huge incline at the edge, and another camper had his huge freaking raft/boat tied up at the launch. So instead of calmly wading into the water it was more of a "jump in and try not to tip the canoe as it slams up against the raft". We succeeded in taking in about 5 gallons in our first three minutes. I have no idea how Michelle and David managed to stay dry. One quick stop with a dump fixed it quickly, and no gear was ruined.

One a communication system was set up we were good to go. Nothing like getting in a canoe with another person to learn your true nature - and theirs. I think Vinnie and I have enough Type A in us to not want to put up with any crap, so we worked it out after the first exciting "surprise you are are now paddling through rapids-around-a-curve" stretch. The only time we had to get out of the canoe in the first 13 miles was a stretch that was so low it was just pebbles and small rocks on the left of an island. It was either drag the loaded canoe for 5 minutes, or go over class 2 rapids. We decided on keeping our gear above the water and all in the boat. Good call. Wish I had some good water shoes. Keens or Chaco's?

The rest of day one was spent with our feet up, paddles in when needed, and soaking in the views.

Left: View from the co-pilot seat.





Right: Michelle and David keeping it real in the other canoe.



Fun things we saw along the way: Big Horned Sheep, an old bridge, ducks, and other campers.

Pic is super blurry but it's not like I took a $1000 camera on the canoe.

I just dig old bridges and buildings.




The campsite was found about an hour before dark. We set up the tents as the sun was setting, and then commenced the cooking and fire-making. Tons of driftwood lined the river so we had a great blaze in no time. Dinner was bratwurst, baked potatoes, fruit, and roasted marshmallows. The sunset was not much to scream about since it was behind a cliff wall, but after the sun disappeared, the beautiful outline as dusk set in was very satisfying. I spent a lot of time just looking around me in awe.

The sunrise was very peaceful and clear. I had forgotten that sleeping outside makes waking up very easy. Cue inspirational music and scripture verses floating across the screen.



Breakfast was eggs, bacon, bread/toast, avocado, fruit, and roasted marshmallows. I mean, we brought so many why waste them? A quick dip in the river was very, ahem, refreshing, and then I brushed my teeth with some Jim Beam. Feel the burn. I can't say that it was good for the breath, but my teeth felt pretty darn smooth. After packing up and frolicing around for a bit we took off for the second day - only 13 more miles to go. The launch went smoothly and it was much less intimidating that day 1.




There were certainly more rapids during the second leg, but they were all right away. The rest was just smooth sailing. Michelle and David spent a great deal of time laying down in their canoe, with it floating sideways. I think it was very representative of their chill personalities. Vinnie and I kept our canoe going the 'right' way most of the time. Taking turns at steering or watching for rapids we got into some deep conversations and a few arguments. Always a good time. Mostly though our excitement over being on the water was over, and we just were quiet, soaking in the landscape and beauty that surrounded us.

Describing it will never do it justice. Nor will the 100 pictures that I took. Just take my word for it. It was like I was in a different country. Different world. The colors were so vivid they almost hurt. The silence was so calming. Only wind, water, and a few bugs were all we could hear.


So, why did I do this? So many people have looked at me with complete surprise when I tell them I flew to Colorado to go camping. Why not? My life is open to whatever I decide I want to do. Options are endless. Adventure is optional. Living is not. I think that I am ready to be spontaneous as well as dependable. I am ready for the comfort of home, and to answer the call of the open road. I am so happy to have figured out what makes me happy - I only hope that for all of my friends.


You know what else makes me happy? My new Patagonia Refugio 28L day pack. Sigh....

Why not?

Music share time...

1) Stateless: Bloodstream

I have never seen Vampire Diaries, nor do I any desire to, but this song just happens to have been used for the show, hence the youtube video backdrop image. No real reason for posting. It just came up on my Pandora station and it stuck in my head. Beautiful, flowing, and introspective, this song makes me just want to write in my journal or practice yoga.

2)Pretty Lights: Finally Moving

A friend posted about liking this group so I had to check them out. Very chill and jam style music with a hint of groove. I am totally down. If I were still in college I would probably put them on to finish a research paper. Will be adding this to my Pandora stations shortly.



3) Ray LaMontagne: God Willin' and the Creek Don't Rise

I was counting the days until his new album, and once again Ray has not let me down. The latest installment is a bit more melancholy, almost every song is about a breakup, moving on, or lost love, so if you are not in that mood this might not be your favorite album of his. However, the title track grabbed me from the first note. He sings about the beautiful Carolina mountains and his girl back home. What is there not to like about that? Again, this is a slower, more introspective album with a distinctly old country twang, but Ray does not veer too far from his slightly 'weird indie americana' sound that makes him so accessible. Love it.



4) MGMT - Electric Feel

Michelle put this as the first track on her latest mixed cd, and it is still one of my favorites off of her random compilation of awesome. Vinnie played it in the car when I was there, not knowing my affinity or connection to the song, and from then on it is my direct soundline to Boulder. Enough said.




5) Greg Laswell: And Then You

I have no idea how I do not have this album. Paycheck this week = purchase asap. What a beautiful melody and underlying rhythm. The lyrics speak to me as well, but my initial attraction to the song is the piano. I dislike that some of my favorite artists are associated with tv shows that I have never even seen. But, seriously, worth a listen. His other albums are equally excellent.





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The past few weeks have been an exploration in the question of "Why not?". Some people might say, "Because I can." - which is a perfectly good reason. But, in my growing realization that I really can do whatever the hell I want, I am riding a sine wave of emotions.

It started with driving to ILHC last weekend on the encouragement of multiple friends and 4 shots of espresso. It was a great answer to my question and I regret...nothing about it. I stayed with two different hosts who were so gracious as to spare some space and a shower, and hung out with new and old friends. Although I missed the Friday main dance and comps, I caught the live jam band and hallway dancing. Win. Instant shenanigans started with Jo and we didn't stop all weekend. Pretty sure we were either planning fun, having fun, or recounting fun for 2 days straight. Just wait until Lindy Focus...just wait. The Glitter Ninja Sparkle Team will strike!!!
Although I didn't compete or attend any classes (which was a huge boo) I still basked in the enjoyment of all the kick-assery that was presented in each division. Everyone brought their A game and it was inspiring to see.
Andrew and I were able to cram in a couple hours of practice despite our sleep deprived, hungover state of being. I am really pumped to just run through the choreo until we can do it in our sleep. Fingers crossed we can catch up in October as planned.
The best quote ever "F*ck that shit. I brought mah rain boots" is part of a longer story that will have to wait until I see you in person. But just for the record, I still have my job ;)

Friday night was an impulsive decision of going to MJQ to enjoy the best hip hop dance night in the A. Again, I regret...nothing about it. I was surrounded by people, and didn't have to connect to anyone or anything besides the music. I found some cool people to dance with, had a couple drinks, and then found my way home when it was starting to thin out around 2:30. There is nothing like getting lost in the crowd of energy and excellent music. No judgment, so social status, just the rhythms and your body moving. Soul, 70s, 80s, 90s, reggae, current rap, east coast, west coast, chicago, dirty south - they play everything. Everyone is so happy at that club, it makes me want to go back with my best of friends.

The ability to ask myself "Why not?" stems from so much more than the newfound freedom of not being in a relationship. It comes from a past of control, expectations, and overcoming the belief that my desires and opinions did not matter. It isn't about rebellion or flipping the world off. It is a genuine look at myself and asking, "Why don't you do what truly makes you happy? Why hold back? Why worry about other people? Why not?"

It is an amazing feeling. Take it. Leave it. Judge it. Use it. I don't care. It is just the place I am in right now. Sometimes it slips away...but I am going to keep asking myself this question until I can really experience life to my fullest extent.