pure comfort is being completely alone in a room full of strangers.
no one to ask you questions. no one to demand your time. no one to pick you apart and wonder what you have been doing, or where you are going.
i think i have found a close second to my beloved Espresso News.
being a teacher makes you feel like you are making a difference. turning on a light bulb. expanding a mind. but it also makes you reject society as a source of sustainence. bugger.
i had more than one person apologize to me for choosing a career in middle school. it struck a chord of fear in my heart when i heard such words. apparently it is supposed to suck. but you know what? i think it is right where i need to be. i abhor stagnation and routine. i like organization and a schedule, but i struggle when my job does not challenge me, or give me opportunity for change and growth. when presented with tasks that are the same, day in and day out i become the worst employee. it is when each day is fresh and new that i thrive as an employee and a productive citizen of the world. and middle school certainly provides such an opportunity - every day. the kids are vivacious, stubborn, bright, and entertaining. i enjoy them - even when they behave so badly that i give out 6 conduct cuts in one class period. they buck the norm and refuse to be the same every day - which is pretty normal for someone 11 to 13 years old. my job is hard, demanding, time-consuming, and i love every bit of it. after all, every situation is only what you make of it. good or bad.
a cup of iced coffee and my leather bound journal await my descent. i succumb to their call and leave you to the rest of your day, or hour. enjoy.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Thursday, August 7, 2008
simply complicated
The simple things in life are the most satisfying. Most fulfilling. Most rewarding. Most...gratifying.
A bed of your own. A few dollars to buy dinner. Friends that are friends no matter the time or distance that dares to separate your kindred souls. Soap. Running water. A pillow. A clean pair of your favorite underwear.
It sounds so trite. But you try it. Try living a day or two with a couple or all of these things missing. How much more would you appreciate them when they return?
Money can make things so much easier. But that is all. Easier. Not necessarily better. How do you define better? Sure you can pay your bills, and buy food with money- all systems that have been set up around trade. But is life 'better' the more you have? Better, a value judgment, is only a matter of perspective.
I often wish that I had more money. Pay off my debt, fix and get new tags for my car, get a professional wardrobe, book a flight in oct, pay for UHLS, buy new dance shoes . . . the list goes on. But you know what? That is only going to happen when my effort is 110% every singe day. And those things that I want to get with my money are just that, things. While my car does give me great joy, and I love her dearly, she too will pass.
Is life simply getting easier and easier? Are we moving into an age where the ease of computers and the technologies that fuel an automated society literally do 'everything' for us? I would hope that in our grounded humanness that it is not so. Are just in a giant circle of evolution? Will we eventually self-destruct in our own greed to always have more and care less? Stepping back to look at the overarching direction of "us" is . . . overwhelming.
Do you want your life to be easy? Easy, to me, does not infer a sense of accomplishment. Easy, is a moment in time that quickly blends into the next to become part of your forgotten past.
Seven lanes of flashing white lines framed by glittering skyscrapers. A bold and elegant skyline. Driving through downtown at night has always been a secret favorite of mine. One of the simple things.
What are yours?
A bed of your own. A few dollars to buy dinner. Friends that are friends no matter the time or distance that dares to separate your kindred souls. Soap. Running water. A pillow. A clean pair of your favorite underwear.
It sounds so trite. But you try it. Try living a day or two with a couple or all of these things missing. How much more would you appreciate them when they return?
Money can make things so much easier. But that is all. Easier. Not necessarily better. How do you define better? Sure you can pay your bills, and buy food with money- all systems that have been set up around trade. But is life 'better' the more you have? Better, a value judgment, is only a matter of perspective.
I often wish that I had more money. Pay off my debt, fix and get new tags for my car, get a professional wardrobe, book a flight in oct, pay for UHLS, buy new dance shoes . . . the list goes on. But you know what? That is only going to happen when my effort is 110% every singe day. And those things that I want to get with my money are just that, things. While my car does give me great joy, and I love her dearly, she too will pass.
Is life simply getting easier and easier? Are we moving into an age where the ease of computers and the technologies that fuel an automated society literally do 'everything' for us? I would hope that in our grounded humanness that it is not so. Are just in a giant circle of evolution? Will we eventually self-destruct in our own greed to always have more and care less? Stepping back to look at the overarching direction of "us" is . . . overwhelming.
Do you want your life to be easy? Easy, to me, does not infer a sense of accomplishment. Easy, is a moment in time that quickly blends into the next to become part of your forgotten past.
Seven lanes of flashing white lines framed by glittering skyscrapers. A bold and elegant skyline. Driving through downtown at night has always been a secret favorite of mine. One of the simple things.
What are yours?
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Darth Vader meets Super Sander 2000
Regardless of how much I frighten small children (or rather, Lisa) I thoroughly enjoy wearing a respirator while sanding hardwood floors. In other words I don't want lung cancer.
There are few things that feel more rewarding than a hard day of work. When you are actually physically exhausted, yet still triumphant as you look back at what you accomplished. It truly is a great feeling. For instance, Lisa freaking ripped out about 500 square feet of carpet by her lonesome hoss-like self. I sanded the entire upstairs and stairwell - 3 times - today. I mean, boo- f'in-yah. I think I had forgotten what hard labor felt like - and it feels great. Tomorrow is going to hella cleaning day as we attempt to finish the stairs and get every speck of dust out of the bedrooms and hallway to get ready for the polyfinish that will go on this weekend.
Did I mention that the bathrooms are done? Tiled, sealed, and fixtures installed. All they need is a fresh coat of paint and some speed board.
It is interesting how I consider myself more of a 'mechanical' techie. I geek out in RP, CNC equipment, engines, and general gadgetry - yet am much more competent and knowledgeable about construction than I realize. I guess those lessons with my stepfather stuck after all. He was a badass carpenter, and while I would hesitate to say that I posses even a fraction of his skills he at least taught me how to correctly use my available tools to their fullest, how to solve a problem, and most importantly how to hammer a nail in straight. I think this is the first time in about, oh say, my life, that I can honestly say, "Thanks Dad". As I fix the cabinets, install the sink, and attach the counter trim I actually think of him with a remote sense of fondness.
I really would like new dance shoes. My old Aris Allens are seriously falling apart. I think they finally wore through in four places on the sides, and the support is pretty much completely gone. But, there is something about how the suede has broken in that keeps me from getting a new pair. It is that perfect smoothness that lets you feel the floor, slide when you want to, and grip when you don't. Broken in dance soles are probably in my top ten favorite things in life. But, now that I am dancing at least three times a week I suppose I owe it to my feet to get new shoes - and maybe see if I can transfer the suede.
My life as a middle school teacher starts in about a week. I am still going through some certification paperwork and such formalities, but I can unofficially say that I am now hired at Snellville Middle School as a Tech Ed teacher. My first full-time 'real world' job out of school and damn it feels good. I can pay off all my debt in a matter of months, start a savings account, fix my car, and eat healthy food. Granted, I have been told over and over again how much I will hate teaching that age group, and how much it will suck, but I don't care. I didn't ask for your negativity and if you would like to crap all over my excitement about actually using my college education to teach tech ed in public school then you can just suck my left toe.
Ok, now that is out of the way . . .
I am off to the Graveyard for some live music, dancing, and fantastic beer. I think I will get something on tap tonight.
p.s. The neighborhood think that Lisa and I are lovers and Sosh is our swinger bf that we keep around to spice things up. Honestly, our next door neighbors (who actually know us) telling us that story at 11am made the rest of my day totally and completely amazing. And I am not making this up.
There are few things that feel more rewarding than a hard day of work. When you are actually physically exhausted, yet still triumphant as you look back at what you accomplished. It truly is a great feeling. For instance, Lisa freaking ripped out about 500 square feet of carpet by her lonesome hoss-like self. I sanded the entire upstairs and stairwell - 3 times - today. I mean, boo- f'in-yah. I think I had forgotten what hard labor felt like - and it feels great. Tomorrow is going to hella cleaning day as we attempt to finish the stairs and get every speck of dust out of the bedrooms and hallway to get ready for the polyfinish that will go on this weekend.
Did I mention that the bathrooms are done? Tiled, sealed, and fixtures installed. All they need is a fresh coat of paint and some speed board.
It is interesting how I consider myself more of a 'mechanical' techie. I geek out in RP, CNC equipment, engines, and general gadgetry - yet am much more competent and knowledgeable about construction than I realize. I guess those lessons with my stepfather stuck after all. He was a badass carpenter, and while I would hesitate to say that I posses even a fraction of his skills he at least taught me how to correctly use my available tools to their fullest, how to solve a problem, and most importantly how to hammer a nail in straight. I think this is the first time in about, oh say, my life, that I can honestly say, "Thanks Dad". As I fix the cabinets, install the sink, and attach the counter trim I actually think of him with a remote sense of fondness.
I really would like new dance shoes. My old Aris Allens are seriously falling apart. I think they finally wore through in four places on the sides, and the support is pretty much completely gone. But, there is something about how the suede has broken in that keeps me from getting a new pair. It is that perfect smoothness that lets you feel the floor, slide when you want to, and grip when you don't. Broken in dance soles are probably in my top ten favorite things in life. But, now that I am dancing at least three times a week I suppose I owe it to my feet to get new shoes - and maybe see if I can transfer the suede.
My life as a middle school teacher starts in about a week. I am still going through some certification paperwork and such formalities, but I can unofficially say that I am now hired at Snellville Middle School as a Tech Ed teacher. My first full-time 'real world' job out of school and damn it feels good. I can pay off all my debt in a matter of months, start a savings account, fix my car, and eat healthy food. Granted, I have been told over and over again how much I will hate teaching that age group, and how much it will suck, but I don't care. I didn't ask for your negativity and if you would like to crap all over my excitement about actually using my college education to teach tech ed in public school then you can just suck my left toe.
Ok, now that is out of the way . . .
I am off to the Graveyard for some live music, dancing, and fantastic beer. I think I will get something on tap tonight.
p.s. The neighborhood think that Lisa and I are lovers and Sosh is our swinger bf that we keep around to spice things up. Honestly, our next door neighbors (who actually know us) telling us that story at 11am made the rest of my day totally and completely amazing. And I am not making this up.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
The window seat on an evening flight from Boston to Atlanta provided me with some reflections. A combination of conversations and observations from the past month sparked this journal entry.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When you grumble about the woes of your finely picked life, the carefully sorted minutes that make you so safe and comfortable, realize that someone, somewhere, is praying for rain.
The elegantly vanilla sky as viewed from above speaks not of the disastrous rain below. Instead, of an unexpected range of finely spun water droplets. So easily sliced through. Yet so dangerous to the mere mortals beneath their cover. Effortless beauty.
As with most thing such as flavor or sock height, life boils down to perspective and preference. Your reality of 'normal' is just that - yours. Granted, it has probably been ineloquently placed upon your psyche with such a vengeance that you realize nothing else as acceptable. There is freedom in change. Freedom in finding a new point of view. So why do we all stay in our comfortable little shells of reality? Exactly. It is comfortable and we are creatures who enjoy the easy life. We dare not to stop coloring our hair for fear of the discomfort it will cause our peers - and how it will reflect upon ourselves. Selfish? I suppose so. In other ways it keeps us connected. Emotionally dependent as a society. By caring about others we in return care about ourselves. So are we truly caring about others for the sake of them? No, it is a selfish care in which we seek the reflection of another's friendship to fortify our ego.
Not to say that coloring one's hair is the the downfall of mankind. Rather, a manifestation of our endless vanity. The conflict of our self-seeking nature and communal dependency.
So create your reality. Be in the world. Be a part of it. It is up to you whether the sun is shining or not. Serve your fellow human-kind. In all your amazing and unbelievably unique selves.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When you grumble about the woes of your finely picked life, the carefully sorted minutes that make you so safe and comfortable, realize that someone, somewhere, is praying for rain.
The elegantly vanilla sky as viewed from above speaks not of the disastrous rain below. Instead, of an unexpected range of finely spun water droplets. So easily sliced through. Yet so dangerous to the mere mortals beneath their cover. Effortless beauty.
As with most thing such as flavor or sock height, life boils down to perspective and preference. Your reality of 'normal' is just that - yours. Granted, it has probably been ineloquently placed upon your psyche with such a vengeance that you realize nothing else as acceptable. There is freedom in change. Freedom in finding a new point of view. So why do we all stay in our comfortable little shells of reality? Exactly. It is comfortable and we are creatures who enjoy the easy life. We dare not to stop coloring our hair for fear of the discomfort it will cause our peers - and how it will reflect upon ourselves. Selfish? I suppose so. In other ways it keeps us connected. Emotionally dependent as a society. By caring about others we in return care about ourselves. So are we truly caring about others for the sake of them? No, it is a selfish care in which we seek the reflection of another's friendship to fortify our ego.
Not to say that coloring one's hair is the the downfall of mankind. Rather, a manifestation of our endless vanity. The conflict of our self-seeking nature and communal dependency.
So create your reality. Be in the world. Be a part of it. It is up to you whether the sun is shining or not. Serve your fellow human-kind. In all your amazing and unbelievably unique selves.
a cool wind
Some days are like breathing your first breath. Or walking through a dream. Your mind taking you to memories not forgotten, or places yet visited.
Adoration is highly overrated.
Becoming attached is easy. Being comfortable is not.
I have finally aged to the realization of slower growing fondness. Flash in the pan makes for an excellent story and a flood of overwhelming addictive "feel good". But, momentary satisfaction only brings deeper voids of self-doubt, and heightened reluctance to ever share again. The question of "is this it?" crops up in thickening patches behind the closed doors of hearts.
A cool wind. Darkening clouds bring refreshment.
I am ready for a refreshing sense of accomplishment.
Limbo.
A familiar non-place.
But life is constantly changing, moving; evolving into a beautiful edeavor of discovery.
What an acceptace.
Adoration is highly overrated.
Becoming attached is easy. Being comfortable is not.
I have finally aged to the realization of slower growing fondness. Flash in the pan makes for an excellent story and a flood of overwhelming addictive "feel good". But, momentary satisfaction only brings deeper voids of self-doubt, and heightened reluctance to ever share again. The question of "is this it?" crops up in thickening patches behind the closed doors of hearts.
A cool wind. Darkening clouds bring refreshment.
I am ready for a refreshing sense of accomplishment.
Limbo.
A familiar non-place.
But life is constantly changing, moving; evolving into a beautiful edeavor of discovery.
What an acceptace.
Friday, July 4, 2008
New music, old travels
I thoroughly heart Pandora radio. My current obsession is with my Kaki King station. If you don't know who she is . . . well, let's just leave that up to you to figure out. While I revel in the discovery of obscure artists who have slipped through the cracks of pop culture, I have very high standards. Sometimes it is lyrics, sometimes it is groovability, sometimes it is just an emotional depth that is found within the notes. Either way, I have vast appreciation for nearly all genres of music - barring heavy metal, pop country, and most musicals.
Current discovery that makes me all fuzzy inside: Brad Barr
I am off to Massachusetts for the bi-annual gathering of Mechlins. Four generations crowd into my grandparents 112 year-old house in the tiny town of Bolton, MA. Not that we have many cousins or relatives willing to make the trip, but it always seems like there are too many people in the house at once. And that is why they have a big backyard =) My niece and nephew will be there, along with the NY relatives that rarely show. Yes, it will be a grand vacation of stressful meals, gardening, and playing with Grace and Jacob. Oh yes, and watching golf with my grandfather - his favorite past time next to reading.
Current discovery that makes me all fuzzy inside: Brad Barr
I am off to Massachusetts for the bi-annual gathering of Mechlins. Four generations crowd into my grandparents 112 year-old house in the tiny town of Bolton, MA. Not that we have many cousins or relatives willing to make the trip, but it always seems like there are too many people in the house at once. And that is why they have a big backyard =) My niece and nephew will be there, along with the NY relatives that rarely show. Yes, it will be a grand vacation of stressful meals, gardening, and playing with Grace and Jacob. Oh yes, and watching golf with my grandfather - his favorite past time next to reading.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Just add my name to the list . . .
Ok, so I caved. I got a blogspot thingy. I don't know why . . . but I think my excuse is that I like the layout options.
So, I will try my best to keep up with it. In the meantime I will enjoy reading other peoples much more eloquently written blogs, and trying to take care of everything going on in my life. =)
So, I will try my best to keep up with it. In the meantime I will enjoy reading other peoples much more eloquently written blogs, and trying to take care of everything going on in my life. =)
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