There's Something About June

...that means it is time to move. If you want to be logical it marks the end of an academic year, but if you want to read into what it means to The Universe I guess it is time for a change.

Atlanta has truly become 'home' in the grandest sense of the word over the past six years. Multiple communities, neighborhoods, and people have made this city very dear to my heart. I never planned on staying this long -- but in retrospect I think it was just long enough. I am not running away from anything now, instead I am moving forward towards the next chapter/stage/phase/level of life.

Level up!

Why? Well, there isn't anything left for me here in terms of my career goals. By year five I was given the exact worksheets and kits to hand out every nine weeks. I was told that I couldn't create my own lesson plans anymore or veer from the standards. Going to high school would have been a slightly better situation but there were no schools hiring within a reasonable distance of the city -- and after commuting 45 minutes each way for so long I was looking for something a little closer to home.

And to be perfectly honest, I don't fit in the mold for public education. It was an amazing experience; I learned more than I could have ever anticipated about professionalism, classroom management, leadership, community, peer relations, and the mystery of teaching -- all of which I am eternally grateful. However, dreams run big in this family and I was not going to settle in to the complacency of standardized worksheets.

Thus, my year sabbatical began June 2013. Summer vacation stretched into September until I was finally working 3-4 jobs to pay rent. A dear friend upped my hours and eventually I was 'full time' contract work for a start-up company as the Project Manager. Again, learning more than I could have ever dreamed, but still not feeling a sense of fulfillment after a long day of sitting in an office sending emails. I was, however, living a dream of being in the city proper, walking or biking to work, experiencing Atlanta in ways that people in the 'burbs will never grasp. Apparently I should only live downtown or on top of a mountain for optimum quality of life.

So, in January the career hunt began again with the realization I could work practically anywhere -- but that I didn't want to just be a middle school or high school teacher just for the sake of a job. So I contacted a college professor who has been asking me to come to ISU for my PhD (full ride) for years. Turns out they have grants and work coming out of their ears and not enough staff

Simplethings

GIRLS was better than usual tonight. All 4 episodes. F.

...who you used to be.

Seriously needed to read this today.

Content Doesn't Mean Complacent

I am fairly convinced that the more content you are, the easier it is to change.

Before, it felt like running. Before, it was a desperate scramble to escape from perceived flaw.

Now, it is a move towards the next chapter. Now, it is living every day authentically with purpose and direction.

The romance of living in the city, walking and riding my bike to work has been fulfilled. Working at a 'real' job instead of in education has been realized. It is all part of the process. Life likes to fool us into thinking that there is an ultimate goal. Nope.

There are very few elements and people that will pull on my heartstrings as I say goodbye. The city is comfortable, at most. A number of personalities will always be in my life, regardless of my zip code, but I can list them on two hands. Which is healthy, I suppose.

No, it is time to move on. Last year would have been forced and frantic. This year it is right.

Hello, New Job, New State, New Life. I always loved living amidst cornfields. Time for some big sky county and refocusing - everything.

Now to enjoy some vacationing travels before the real travels begin. *swoon*

Three months in . . .

It has taken a few months for this year's intention to seep in.

Relentlessly.

To meander it's way through the cracks and fill in all the little momentary voids that make up the decisions that form our lives.

Relentlessly.

To manifest itself in a overwhelmingly fierce way that keeps you from ever doubting it's existence.

Relentlessly.

As of this week, though, I have felt the pull of a new intentional habit starting to take precedence over the inertia of my year-long mental summer vacation. Before three hard-hitting actions taken today I felt as though I was still just flowing along with the occasional self inflicted pep-talk. Nope, today shit happened. And it felt good. Really good.

Relentlessly asking questions...
Relentlessly checking off checklists...
Relentlessly reliable...
Relentlessly not taking shit...
Relentlessly being honest...
Relentlessly going after whatever the hell it is I want to do for the rest of my life...
Relentlessly loving, respecting, and giving...

Plans change, lives change, addresses change, but intentions stay the same. I feel like I have hit a huge reset button on my life since leaving teaching, while at the same time finally connecting my past to my future instead of reinventing and going on an entirely new path. Super. Weird. Feeling.

Gayatri

In the end
when these bones

are only bones

all that matters
is how much we gave,

how much we loved.



http://www.last.fm/music/Benjy+Wertheimer/_/Gayatri

You Can't Eat Beauty

Oscar Winner Lupita Nyong'o's Speech On Beauty That Left An Entire Audience Speechless:

"It was perplexing and I wanted to reject it because I had begun to enjoy the seduction of inadequacy. But a flower couldn’t help but bloom inside of me. When I saw Alek I inadvertently saw a reflection of myself that I could not deny. Now, I had a spring in my step because I felt more seen, more appreciated by the far away gatekeepers of beauty, but around me the preference for light skin prevailed. To the beholders that I thought mattered, I was still unbeautiful. And my mother again would say to me, "You can’t eat beauty. It doesn’t feed you." And these words plagued and bothered me; I didn’t really understand them until finally I realized that beauty was not a thing that I could acquire or consume, it was something that I just had to be.

And what my mother meant when she said you can’t eat beauty was that you can’t rely on how you look to sustain you. What is fundamentally beautiful is compassion for yourself and for those around you. That kind of beauty enflames the heart and enchants the soul."