Six Harsh Truths

In line with the new year intention of 'Relentless' I am going to bookmark an article shared with me today by a very old friend. No, he isn't old, we have just know each other for a long time. Sheesh.
Anyway, it was a great read; mildly painful, very eye-opening, and a nice kick in the pants for me to start actually DOING what it is that is on my mind as my next endeavor in life.

Fuck you, fear.

6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You A Better Person

I like this. The Alot Monster kind of like:

"So how about this: one year. The end of 2014, that's our deadline. Or a year from whenever you read this. While other people are telling you "Let's make a New Year's resolution to lose 15 pounds this year!" I'm going to say let's pledge to do fucking anything -- add any skill, any improvement to your human tool set, and get good enough at it to impress people. Don't ask me what -- hell, pick something at random if you don't know. Take a class in karate, or ballroom dancing, or pottery. Learn to bake. Build a birdhouse. Learn massage. Learn a programming language. Film a porno. Adopt a superhero persona and fight crime. Start a YouTube vlog. Write for Cracked.

But the key is, I don't want you to focus on something great that you're going to make happen to you ("I'm going to find a girlfriend, I'm going to make lots of money ..."). I want you to purely focus on giving yourself a skill that would make you ever so slightly more interesting and valuable to other people."

2014 is Relentless

"You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do."

Well, to say that 2013 wrapped up with a bang is an understatement. Only so much of me will ever be told to the general public of the world wide internets, but essentially, courage carried me through leaving my job, and striking out on the adventure of a new life. I faced hard decisions head first and went with my gut. A few things I learned about myself are: I am not nearly as courageous as most people think, I am not doing what I really want to be doing, the Peace Corps is not in my future, being a teacher made me fall into a lackadaisical work ethic, I want to be in charge of my work situation, and living in the city is definitely my bag. Moving on . . .

"You must be passionate, you must dedicate yourself, and you must be relentless in the pursuit of your goals. If you do, you will be successful."

After an entire year of dedicating every single yoga practice to courage, I realized in November that I hadn't quite figured out the theme of 2014. The words perseverance, dedication, and relentless started creeping in my life around the same time it became blatantly apparent that I had been going with the flow and that flow wasn't moving very fast. And that it is time to pull out old-fashioned, family-forged, German-bred determination to make the rest of my life happen. Because, did I, like, graduate college again or something? Or maybe this is what life is truly like... you don't actually know what is going on, you just keep figuring it out. Constantly. 

So there it is, 2014, you are going to be the year of Relentlessness. This is not a resolution, it is an intention. I am not going to procrastinate. I am not going to waste away knowing I will always be able to scrape by. It is the year in which every opportunity will be lived out, and my goals will be dug at until they are seen to fruition--or proven to be the wrong ditch. I am no longer going to just get by--that mindset was carved into me at a very young age and is unhealthy at best, life-threatening at worst. I am looking this demon in the eye and saying "Fuck you, I am relentless". 

There have been so many people who have said to me, 'You can't do that,' but I've had an innate belief that they were wrong. Be unwavering and relentless in your approach.

No details needed here. Just the quote to remind me about all the bullshit I have been through in terms of, well, everything.

Be relentless and then you'll break through.

Yes, yes I will.

If you truly dig what you are doing, if you lay it out that way, nobody can not respond. That's what rock and roll is; it's relentless.

Seriously can't wait to rock and roll the ISH out of 2014. Plans have changed, the universe has spoken. Now it's up to me to take charge and dig even deeper to use the Change, use the Love, use the Courage, that has come about over the past 3 years, and break out into the life that I truly am meant to live. I have goals, but they don't need to be written down. They don't need to be posted on my wall or on the internet. They are in my heart which means they will never be forgotten. They burn inside me every day as I wake up and as I go to sleep. Relentlessly.

The Invitation

The beautiful Ms. O spoke many of these words at the end of last year during one of her classes. It is a reminder for what is to come this year . . .

The Invitation
Oriah ~ Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, 'Yes.'

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

2013: Year of Courage

Lentil soup is delicious. Nom nom nom . . .

I suppose if I were to approach this whole resolution topic in a chronological manner I would write my 2012 summary. However, those thoughts have already been written down in my paper journal (which can be transcribed) and these new thoughts are fresh in my mind as of the drive home from work / yoga class. The Love wrap-up will just have to wait.

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." 

This year's theme of 'Courage' holds so many deeper meanings the more I ponder the concept. The obvious would be the major life changes I am considering and moving towards. I know that I am going to need a hell of a lot of courage to change my living situation, job status, and other such grounding elements. But, the more and more I think about all the parts of life that courage applies to, it is almost overwhelming. Literally, every single decision we make in life could use a little courage. Calling a parent about a student's behavior, telling your principal you were 3 hours late to work because you slept through three alarms, confessing your true feelings to someone, telling another person you have no feelings, registering for a dance competition you feel totally out-classed in, are all situations in which I usually make excuses, punk out, or just become passive. So, in order to make a habit of courage I have decided to make courage be my response to every little thing just like Love was last year.

"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."

Could this go terribly awry? Absolutely. As with most things in life :) I don't think that one should simply say everything that comes to mind, or make sudden/crazy/rash/poor/any choices about the direction of their life just to be courageous. In my case, though, I find that this resolution rings true because I have become too complacent and comfortable with my life. Too much talk and not enough do. It will help with procrastination, all forms of relationships, dance, and the path upon which I want to take for the rest of my life (or at least the next few years).

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power."

And so begins 2013: Year of Courage. I have already made a hell of a start by being honest and open with a friend about a difficult (yet relieving) topic, and communicated with the PC about my application status. I can already see that honesty will be a focal point throughout this process.

"Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point." 

Yes. 2013 is going to be an interesting year.

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear."

Separator ~ Radiohead
"Like I've fallen out of bed

From a long and vivid dream
Finally I'm free of all the weight I've been carrying"




Blinding ~ Florence and the Machine