West Coast Flows Home

The impact you make on another person with words and actions, while imperceptible at first, is in fact, permanent. Sometimes we like to think we have the right to give counsel; to tell another person how to live their life, based on our own experience is how we make the most change in the world. False.

The people who enter our lives and are so intensely themselves without apology are the ones that leave the biggest mark. Mean the most. Challenge us the most. Provide us with the opportunity to grow and be a true friend -- or flee in selfish fear.

Tonight, as I created the chalk board art to promote the last class with Todd LaBerge at Atlanta Hot Yoga, the tears that have been lurking for weeks started to surface. I honestly can say that Todd has been the most influential person in my life for the past three years. This month marks when I chose to start practicing yoga to expand my physical and social activities. I took a few random classes and then wandered into his groovy West Coast Power Flow class one late Thursday night in Feb 2011. Afterwards he asked why I wasn't in class more often and I said because I couldn't afford it. He called bullshit and told me I could tidy/clean the studio in trade for his class. The rest is history. For the next three years I stacked blocks, cleaned mats, flipped laundry, blew out the candles, and sweated my way through the most unapologetically authentic yoga practices I could have never expected. Tears during savasana, and giggles alongside my new-found yogi neighbors.

Through his generosity I was able to practice yoga. Through his friendship I learned about communication, forthrightness, and how to respect yourself by requiring the respect of others. I learned how to not put every man in the place of my lost father(s). I learned that no teacher is perfect, and that those imperfections are what makes them better than perfect--it makes them real.

Todd gave everything to his students. He talked about wine and ice cream and football. Even when he came in the door a hot mess he was ok with letting that be part of the class which always ended up, somehow, evolving into exactly what every person needed. We all said hello to our right elbow, or cheered on the Falcons/Niners/Whoeverwaswinninghisfantasyleague during this zen-based practice. We grooved like the ocean and shot arrows of love into the future. Prana washed over our bodies like a waterfall in Tahiti, and we always closed class with the universal sound of Om. But damn, everything in-between all the lovey, gooey, juju talk, was an ass kicking of the "who the hell invented this?!" kind. And for that my dancer joints and muscles are appreciative.

So, thank you, Todd. For everything. For loving me in my brokenness, and believing in me as I pushed through some of the hardest years of my life. You are a truly amazing person and I am so grateful that our paths have crossed. You have impacted the life of everyone you taught in Atlanta simply because you were authentic, caring, and generous with your love of the jo-ga. Especially this girl.

I don't get in the habit of missing people very often. Life is too short. But, I am going to say that your presence will be greatly missed. I guess I have one more reason to visit San Francisco, now.

Until then... every little thing, is gonna be alright.

Don't feel it anymore

Take space so you can use it. Breathe it in and back out again.

No matter if it is the scorpion or the rose, just let it go.

As with everything in life, this too has passed.

"I don't really care what you do, but I am going to try my very best to never see you again."

Ok.

2014 is Relentless

"You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do."

Well, to say that 2013 wrapped up with a bang is an understatement. Only so much of me will ever be told to the general public of the world wide internets, but essentially, courage carried me through leaving my job, and striking out on the adventure of a new life. I faced hard decisions head first and went with my gut. A few things I learned about myself are: I am not nearly as courageous as most people think, I am not doing what I really want to be doing, the Peace Corps is not in my future, being a teacher made me fall into a lackadaisical work ethic, I want to be in charge of my work situation, and living in the city is definitely my bag. Moving on . . .

"You must be passionate, you must dedicate yourself, and you must be relentless in the pursuit of your goals. If you do, you will be successful."

After an entire year of dedicating every single yoga practice to courage, I realized in November that I hadn't quite figured out the theme of 2014. The words perseverance, dedication, and relentless started creeping in my life around the same time it became blatantly apparent that I had been going with the flow and that flow wasn't moving very fast. And that it is time to pull out old-fashioned, family-forged, German-bred determination to make the rest of my life happen. Because, did I, like, graduate college again or something? Or maybe this is what life is truly like... you don't actually know what is going on, you just keep figuring it out. Constantly. 

So there it is, 2014, you are going to be the year of Relentlessness. This is not a resolution, it is an intention. I am not going to procrastinate. I am not going to waste away knowing I will always be able to scrape by. It is the year in which every opportunity will be lived out, and my goals will be dug at until they are seen to fruition--or proven to be the wrong ditch. I am no longer going to just get by--that mindset was carved into me at a very young age and is unhealthy at best, life-threatening at worst. I am looking this demon in the eye and saying "Fuck you, I am relentless". 

There have been so many people who have said to me, 'You can't do that,' but I've had an innate belief that they were wrong. Be unwavering and relentless in your approach.

No details needed here. Just the quote to remind me about all the bullshit I have been through in terms of, well, everything.

Be relentless and then you'll break through.

Yes, yes I will.

If you truly dig what you are doing, if you lay it out that way, nobody can not respond. That's what rock and roll is; it's relentless.

Seriously can't wait to rock and roll the ISH out of 2014. Plans have changed, the universe has spoken. Now it's up to me to take charge and dig even deeper to use the Change, use the Love, use the Courage, that has come about over the past 3 years, and break out into the life that I truly am meant to live. I have goals, but they don't need to be written down. They don't need to be posted on my wall or on the internet. They are in my heart which means they will never be forgotten. They burn inside me every day as I wake up and as I go to sleep. Relentlessly.

The Invitation

The beautiful Ms. O spoke many of these words at the end of last year during one of her classes. It is a reminder for what is to come this year . . .

The Invitation
Oriah ~ Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, 'Yes.'

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Emotional Agility

The kind of dramatic changes you can create in your life only happen through persistent, constant, decisions on a moment-to-moment basis. Relentless determination to experience life through a different filter with different outcomes does not happen magically. You have to dig down and see all the darkness along with the light. You have to accept all the little dirty corners along with the beautiful windows. You have to realize and verbalize the kind of person you actually desire to be, and then make the changes through every moment of your life. Anything less and you will never achieve what you are aiming for. This article outlined the exact process I took upon myself about 3 years ago. But I didn't call it anything. And I didn't go to a therapist.

Solitude. Writing. Yoga.

If anything, it is a great article to bookmark and reference when I need to be reminded of... everything. Damn. So good.

http://www.fastcompany.com/3020373/leadership-now/4-important-things-about-mindfulness-you-didnt-realize

All of the Games. All of the Thrones.

Here is to having much more information than I realized, stored away in my brain from forgotten classes. Apparently I can put it to good use in a field that I have never been educated. Seriously, I never thought I would use my Lean training for college level healthcare curriculum review. Life, you are so weird.

Here is to playing like I hold a royal flush. Saying yes to everything. Going for it.

Yes, to yoga studio desk job of sweaty zen OCD awesomeness.

Yes, to STEM non-profit that is giving me a VEX robot to program, and handfuls of inner city high school students to teach about engineering.

Yes, to applying for the Executive Director position for Career and Technical Education in Fulton County.

Yes, to accepting my placement in the Peace Corps. After all, they don't want to deploy me until June 2014, and that is a looooong time from now.

Yes, to random curriculum review jobs that somehow utilize my knowledge base even though the two fields seem terribly unrelated.

Yes to getting out of summer vacation mode and into making a life for myself mode.

I will play all of the games. I want all of the thrones.

Also, the Imp is allllmost my favorite character. At least in the top 3.

Education, Sports, and Salary

I used to think it was home schooling and absence of athletic ability that caused my lack of team spirit. Not that I don't like working in teams, but being a sports fan. My college did not have a football team, and honestly, being a Masters student doesn't leave you much time to get into the undergrad fanaticism. So, I am not really sure where it started, but the more I see how skewed the monetary allotment is in higher education it makes me almost nauseous. And gives me no reason to want to be a fan.

After reading some articles that back up and prove my feelings for the past 15 years I am even less inclined to support college football--never mind the fact it is almost like a religion in the south which is bs. How about you pour that funding into your science, health, arts, and engineering departments? Make sure those professors and equipment are taken care of and updated as often as your football team facilities. Bet you would have more graduates that can contribute to society instead of the social arena of pro sports. Sweet Jesus.

Who's Your Highest Paid Public Employee? 

Let's Separate the Schoolin' From the Sports

P.S. Someone asked me why I felt the way I do about sports. They also felt the need to tell me they were going to 'fix' me and my lack of support for teams. While I never got around to answering the question I am pretty certain I don't need to be fixed. Boom.